Confessions of a working grad school student (in her 30s)

I was back and forth about going to grad school through my 20s and in my 30s I just assumed the ship had sailed. Then I was inspired by a person I met at work who had gone through a program that sounded like exactly what I was looking for – flexible, ranked, and entrepreneurial.

Fast forward to 8 months into the program (with a year or so left) and I wanted to share my reflections with the world, especially those who may be thinking about doing the same thing some day.

Context: I have a full time job as a marketing manager at a prominent software company. I can work late nights and weekends. I used to volunteer once a week for 10 years. I ran a non-profit on the side. I travel internationally for work. And I have an active social and personal life. I had no issues understanding and deciding on what needed to drop off during the year in order to make time for grad school.

Here are my learnings so far:

• You miss weddings, birthdays, family events, world series games and basic social events. You feel guilty and like a bad friend or family member. But in the process comes this awesome realization of who your friends really are. And the fact that they are rooting for you is so cool. The others can just take a back seat in your life.
•  If you’re in a relationship, the other person needs to understand your priorities. If he/she doesn’t, it will be much more stressful for you. Just sayin. J And something not to take lightly, they need to be there for you during this time or see above – take a back seat.
• What’s working out? Exercise? No way, I have a quiz tomorrow.
• Grad school in your 30s is humbling. I can’t seem to remember anything I read no matter how super interested I am in the time that I am actually reading it.
• I do get very excited about the concepts and bring them back into work immediately. That is pretty freakin cool. Homoscedasticity anyone? Economic value of a customer? Efficient Frontier? Oh yeah. (Not recommended for conversations at parties. Oh wait, you don’t have time for parties.)
• You think you can manage time, but time tells you to go #5$@% yourself. Because you can plan all you want, you will have no idea how long it will actually take you, if you’ll be in the mood to do it, if you will actually have an opinion about the discussion, or if you’d rather sleep. Just get over this.  
• Check your ego at the door if it is possible. I used to be an A student – and probably could be if I didn’t have a demanding job. Now a solid B+ average. And it kills me. Thanks wannabe tiger parents/culture. Also, I’m not a naturally smart person (I am so jealous of those people), but need to study / read to be smart. If you are the former, you may be fine.
• Take care of yourself. Even if that means that one day you want to eat junk food, just do it. Or take a day or 2 off to focus on your final, it’s all good. But try to something mindful on a regular basis – meditation, jogs, etc. You’ll fire more neurons that way, hey, that’s just truth in science.
• Enjoy it. I have the best cohort. We’re all friends, we all have our quirks, and I think we do a good job of taking care of each other. That was a surprise to me. No one is competitive or tries to outshine you. Rather, they want to help you if you’re struggling.
•  Being broke, managing money. This is just annoying but part of the territory. It’s an investment, blah blah blah.

 My advice:

•  If you’re not mentally ready to make sacrifices, don’t do this. Because you will become flaky, make sacrifices and be hard on yourself. You need to be able to handle it.
•  I can see why people do this full time. May not be such a bad idea if you can swing it. Especially if you’re going to such a competitive program.
• If you want to do it, do it. Do it. You’ll be so proud of yourself when you’re done.
•  And, just don’t be so hard on yourself. Enjoy the ride man.Remember, this is your choice.

That’s all for now. Back to cost accounting. The joy.

Top 10 memories of 2011...and the return of random goals in 2012

2011 awesomeness...
10. Entered the Berkelely Bizplan with a competition (dear college friend) and getting to the semi-finals.
9. Launched 3rd annual Raas for a Cause, the best thus far.
8. Took my cousins to the movies.
7. Continued to feel blessed by the friends in my world and the way they showed up for me.
6. Learned just enough Brazilian Portuguese to cause trouble.
5. Visited xhe amazing beaches of Salvador and Morro San Paulo.
4. Met new friends in Brazil.
3. Worked with charming Brazilian orphans.
2. Sold my place in Freakmont.
1. Moved into the city. Finally.

Random goals in 2012...
1. Draw more!
2. Find a weekly volunteering opp in the city with underprivelaged kids.
3. Salsa twice a month.
(and do 2 pull ups!)
4. R4C NYC??
5...

Oi! Obrigada Brazil, prazer.

In typical currynightmare fashion, here is my semi-annual post :) It's been quite a busy year, from entering Berkeley Business Plan competition (and getting into the semi-finals), having another successful Raas for a Cause SF (third year, thanks to amazing friends and family support!), and finally making the move from Fremont to SF (who knew?).

But I digress, this post is about one of the most amazing trips I've had thus far (and that says a lot, I've been extremely lucky in my life to have traveled many amazing places). Here goes the book, enjoy!

Salvador Brazil - October-November 2011

My first trip to Brazil was to Salvador, in the north eastern region of Bahia. Salvador has a rich, deep history rooted in African culture. From the influences within the amazing cuisine all the way to a rich city preservation, Salvador does not hide from the truth. Rather, the Bahians, embrace it.

Pelourinho ("Peh-lo-rinyo") is one of its most charming tourist cities, but the meaning of the word - the pole where the slaves were hung and beaten - clearly demonstrates the lack of fear and the abundance of courage in a society. At first this name/meaning disturbed me greatly. But then of course, why do what we normally do in history and cover the crap up. Let's recognize that evil took place, and let's celebrate the beauty that emerged, finally. With that in mind, the name is not so scary any more.

Condoble - or voodoo, is an African religion, and you'll see it practiced and preserved in Bahia. To see it celebrated, visit Cachoeira, about a 2 hour car ride from Graca. See a true African city, full of colorful bungalows and a vast African market. Plus, certain days, you can catch a Condoble ceremony. I was lucky enough, with 2 of my CCS friends, to meet a matriarch of the church, who let us into her 'church' house. She had to ask the Orixas (spirits) permission first. Everyone has an Orixa, but you have to speak with a person who has access to the spirits to tell you who your Orixa is (I asked the matriarch, she said she didn't have that access. Oh well).

Capoeira ("Cah-po-whey-rah") - not to be confused with caprinas :) - is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. It's basically a martial arts form. You can see performers in the main plaza on Tuesday nights or see an amazing performance at the Ballet Folklore.

Rakhi's Tips:
Learn some Portuguese. If you know Spanish, this will be helpful. But, first things first, you have to master the accent which is quite tricky. I must thank Carlos from the Portuguese Brazil School/Translation Services. Carlos, most folks thought I was fluent! It was crazy! I was able to do quite well, and felt really proud that my friends trusted me to help them. I nailed the accent, now I just need to practice more :)

Try Bobo, Moqueca, Acaraje and Caperinas. Check out the Ballet Folklore. And make sure you see the amazing drummers and rehearsals. Fantastic. Tuesday nights are the big music nights.

When booking hotels around Salvador, things are not as close as they seem. From Graca to Pelourinho, 20ish Rs. From there to Rio Velmelho, up to 50ish Rs.

Bring an umbrella. :)

MOMA is okay. The historical museums are much more interesting.

No tips for the tour to Cachoeira as I would not recommend the tour we had.

Go to Morro Sao Paulo!! It is a 2 hour catamaran ride out of Salvador. Do a bit of research before hand and book your hotel when you get there or by phone. Call the hotels directly, don't use an agency. The information you find on the internet is sufficient.

• There are no cars on this island! Buggys (dudes with wheelbarrows, will help you transport your stuff. Negotiate the price with them. I was able to get to second beach with $15ish Rs.) And you just walk everywhere, it's fantastic!
  
• If you get motion sickness, bring meds. You will need them on the catamaran. On the way back, don't drink or eat 2 hours before, especially if you have a weak stomach. If you don't have a weak stomach, this can still be rough.
  
• $45 Rs One way. You can buy a ticket day of, but pay attention to the hours. Each tour company is different.
• There are tons of just amazing beach tours that last all day. Wear your bathing suit all day long - this is a town of beach villages and no one cares how they look in a bathing suit. Men, your chance to wear those speedos! You can book these through agencies - about $50 Rs each and all day long. Completely worth it. And if they talk about a 'hike' take it. It is not difficult, our guide did the tour barefoot, and we saw a preserved beach. It was unbelievably beautiful.
• Shopping - you can basically buy some cool jewelry and a ton of random swimwear on the main beach islands. There is no shopping on the tours. If you need clothes, buy them before you go on this trip. There are tons of restaurants, a pharmacy, etc, so you're good there.
  

Volunteering
Through an organized program called Cross Cultural Solutions, a group of about 10 of us volunteered in the local community. The volunteers were from all over the US and of all sorts of amazing backgrounds - from a literary agent from New York to a Doctor from Ohio mixed in with those of us with typical day jobs to those who are still trying to figure it all out. Each group had a different placement - 2 friends and I volunteered at a local orphanage.

We worked from 8ish to noonish. Our meals were included in the package, however we of course ventured out in the evenings for dinner. Lulu, Vinny, Ivan took great care of us :)

We can't post pictures of the beautiful children, due to obvious reasons. But this orphanage was said to one of the best in Salvador, which was sad to me. Many kids cramped in a room with chances to play outside when the weather allowed them to. Their spirits never let up - they were normal kids. They wanted love, attention, and needed some good old-fashioned learnin'. Of course I had to bring my favorite game - Connect Four! Although, I never got anyone to properly learn it, the game turned out to be a hit somehow. The little ones migrated to me the most and in some strange way, gave me more than I believe I ever gave them. Although I understand that orphanages are everywhere, once you are face to face with a group of orphans, there is a part of you that dies knowing that people could discard such beautiful human beings without thought or worry. We will never know what their true stories are, but being with them for 1 week at least opened our eyes. I still remember all of their names and faces.

The staff here was amazing too. You could see how much the children viewed each other and the staff as their true family.

Thank you to CCS for the opportunity.

and lastly..
I feel like I could write for hours and still not capture everything.

One thing I will not forget, is the hospitality of the people. I met strangers ready to help me - and I know, everyone says that. I met a great woman on my flight up, who gave me all sorts of great information, helped me with my broken Portuguese, and then made sure I got to the right terminal. On a trip to Morro San Paulo - I went on a very non-English tour, and got adopted by 2 couples, who made sure that I was always having fun, helping me understand what was going on, and kept including me in their plans. I got offered a ride to the airport! And to bring it back full circle, I helped a Portuguese lady from Rio to SF since she didn't speak any English - and her son and fiance, gave me a ride home in SF!

The new friends from 'Home Base' - you guys were awesome and it was a pleasure to meet you. I wish you all the best and am so touched to now be friends with you. Thank you for your support during the rough times and for your laughter and stories about your amazing lives. Each of you have a great story. Thanks for sharing it with me. You will always have a friend in San Francisco, love you!

And to close out, I am in love with Brazil. Special thanks to Leslie for kick starting the trip. This trip was a perfect blend of service and culture. It was also easy to figure stuff out on your own as I branched off the last few days. I hope in the future that I will combine a trip with Argentina and Brazil and hopefully visit the orphans again.

Thank you for reading :) Until 2012, my loyal currynigtmare followers :)

*For more details on the orphanage experience, please contact me directly, would love to chat about it, but did not feel comfortable going into details in a public forum.

Girls are like trees...

With the increase in age of the single population, it is unfortunate that females tend to be down on themselves because they are single, perpetuating the thought process that something is 'wrong' with them. Societal pressures, bad experiences, and cultural norms don't help the situation. But single girls (and guys) you are both awesome, so rise above it dammit. And forgive yourselves when you make mistakes or get emotional...you're only human and you ain't perfect. Most importantly, you're not attractive if you show up in the world desperate or with low self esteem.

Inspired by this note sent around by my (male) co-worker today - he plans to save it for his daughter (who is currently only 6 years old):

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Note: And a shout out to my wonderful guy/girl friends who took the risk, climbed to the top of the tree, continue to work hard at their relationships and are reaping the benefits.

New York 2011 - The Summary

One of the most wonderful trips ever. And I've been on a lot of fabulous trips...

Day 1: Fabulous catch up session, walk to Eataly, wine, pasta...

Day 2: Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met, a hot dog on the steps, walk through central park (got my 10K steps!) and then off to see Robin Williams in 'Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo' - after a fabulous slice of pizza; late night drink at Mandarin @ Columbus Square

Day 3: Brunch at Freeman's, buzzed by 11am, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, Pizza at Grimaldi's (after a 2 hour wait), Sleep No More (interactive Macbeth performance), and a dirty martini at a Speakeasy; Late night channa masala roll at Kati Roll

Day 4: Burgers @ the Shake Shack, economic stimulus (shopping in SOHO). Little Cupcake Bake Shop, & dinner at Delicatessen (the goodbyes start...); and 30 Rock

Day 5: More economic stimulus, wine, and food. Balthazar's, Chutney, and Wine 30. And fireworks from the rooftop of The Madison Belvedere. More sad goodbyes...

Day 6: Going home :(

A Coffee Shop Story: Mountain View vs. Fremont

Eavesdropping (not on purpose) @ a Coffee Shop in Mountain View -

The 2 guys sitting next to me are talking about a business idea. Conversation topics included:

• One guy went to the same high school as Mark Zuckerberg - Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire. They talked about the issues regarding kids who go to boarding school.
• They hate people from Harvard. Because Harvard churns out douches. (I kind of agree). And these schools have to make up sports that smart people can actually be good at, but the sports that no one cares about - like “crew.” LOL
• Passionate conversation about how Yahoo has failed as a business. They should focus more on value add content, which they have, instead of search. Apparently, Yahoo properties such as Yahoo sports, gets more traffic than ESPN.com. And ESPN, actually syndicates some Yahoo content.
• Back to the business idea, which sounded like a music sharing site – I couldn’t figure out what differentiated it from a Pandora model.

Eavesdropping (not on purpose) @ a Coffee Shop in Fremont -

The 2 Couples sitting near me. Both couples were Indian. I think one of the couples was on a ‘match.com’ date.

• Couple 1 was talking about the issues in our culture related to marriage and how their parents approve of certain types of partners. (I zoned them out pretty quickly).
• Couple 2 – the guy kept asking questions like ‘what is the craziest thing you’ve ever been through’ and the girl kept struggling to answer his questions. It was painful.

Epiphany: I need to get the He!! out of Fremont – STAT.

Argentina - 2010

Con Permiso

I just recently embarked upon amazing journey to a far away land – Argentina.

For those of you who plan to go someday, or simply want to read about the world through my eyes, I am finally inspired to blog about it. Enjoy!

I’m hungry.

Argentina was never on my radar as a place to visit. Plus, the year was so busy committed helping others’ projects, trying to prove myself at a new job, and desperately trying to stay balanced with workouts/yoga/volunteering.

But I got inspired and the timing just worked out.

My friend and I arrived in Buenos Aires, starving, after a long travel day. We stayed at the Hotel Republica Wellness & Spa - Buenos Aires, right in the heart of city center. It was a peaceful place – where the birds chirped in the middle of the night and woke you up in the morning. (By peaceful I mean loud and by birds I mean sirens and honking horns). I recommend renting an apartment in Palermo – it is cheaper and nicer. Just read reviews, search creatively online, make phone calls/emails, and book accordingly. Hotels.com is not a good source.

We arrived on a census day – where the entire city was closed. We didn’t believe our hotel clerk when he said that – so we ventured off into the city, passing the historic obelisk and making our way to the river. Sushi restaurants everywhere, tons of pizza and pasta (Argentina’s culture has a Italian influence), and sandwich shops. Everything was closed. Good learning – the city is shutdown for the census. But it opens back up at 8.

We ended up eating at our hotel, deeply unsatisfied. However, we made up for it at dinner, finding a cute small restaurant with live accordion music.

I loved the area around Recoletta – there is a famous cemetery there that is a major tourist attraction. Evita is buried there. It’s beautiful and creepy. Affluence is apparent, sort of wasteful, but interesting. It may be more interesting if you know more about the local history or other figures buried there. Plus with my beliefs in reincarnation, and my lack of love for cemeteries in general didn’t help. I was pretty creeped out. Don’t expect to request a tomb there unless you’re rich, famous, amazing, and probably Argentinean.

However, I enjoyed the outside – the people, the market, and the art shops. There is also a wonderful modern art museum near by, with a pleasant collection of a little bit of everything. From Picassos, to Renior, to Jackson Polluck – and of course local artists inspired by the greats. The main exhibit was from a local artist who I thought was a freak. Can’t remember his name. I’ll update if I do.

Buenos Aires – eh – it was alright. I think I may have been allergic to it at times.
Weather was nice, the people were friendly, the food was great if you loved steak.

Stop looking at my Calafates

Next stop, El Calafate, about a 4 hour plane ride south to the Patagonian region. We stayed an awesome B&B - Hosteria Meulen with a view of the lake. You can take a bus I believe, but we took a plane through Aerolíneas Argentinas. If you plan to travel to other regions of Argentina – book flights ahead of time through this airline, or book a bus. It is never guaranteed that you’ll have a seat if you plan last minute. You can buy blocks of trips (similar to that of a Eurrail pass but for flights).

A smaller town, ahhh…now I was on vaca. I arrived and was provided with a shot – some rum mixed with El Calafate berry juice. The staff said ‘my pleasure’ with every thank you. And Negrita, the hotel’s dog, wanted to shake your hand as you drank your tea on the outdoor patio. About a 10 minute cab right into town – don’t walk into town. I almost got eaten by dogs that way. They were not as nice as Negrita. And, I swear, they were real!

We went on a beautiful evening horseback ride one evening. I miss my horse, Surgas (not to be confused with’con gas.’) But the highlight of this trip was a 10 hour day, dedicated to hiking on Perrito Moreno – a glacier. Book through Hielo y Aventura (through your hotel or you can go straight their agency, just ask your hotel to give you directions) – and make sure you book ‘Big Ice.’ You have to pack your own lunch and bring an empty water bottle – you can fill your bottle with glacier water! Your crampon equipment is included, so dress in layers, it’s an intermediate hike. It is a must see, you can’t leave Calafate without doing this…

Soy un Professional!

Now a short flight to Ushuaia. It’s cold and beautiful – the snowcapped Andes are your backdrop. You can take a boat to see a view of Antartica – again – easy to get tours, travel agencies everywhere. I went on a boat ride while the rest of the crew went on a hike. It was one of my favorite days – I met locals, hung out with school kids, and saw a 360 view of the Andes. Plus, I wowed some 11 year olds with my skills in tic-tac-toe. Because, I am a professional of course.

Stay in a cabin here. And the town is pretty small, you can walk to local attractions – as long as you can read the map. And make sure you hook yourself up with some king crab.

Love is in the Air
Back to Buenos Aires – ahh and a very crappy hotel. But this time, I got to buy some art and see live Tango dancers in the street. I was sad to leave, but ready to come home and have some chicken tikka masala. But here are something that I will remember:

- It cost $140 to get in the country upon arrival, they accept credit cards and this is good for 10 years.
- The ‘elle’ or double ‘l’ is pronounced like a ‘ch’ sound. So ‘ella’ would be ‘echa.’ And DON’T use the word ‘coger’ in Argentina. Just don’t.
- Love is everywhere, and it is so beautiful. People are so open with their affection, no matter what age. And it is tasteful and sweet. I did find myself wondering what people were saying in between kisses – there was so much chatter. Are they whispering sweet nothings? Are they talking about running errands? What could they possibly be saying so blissfully, in between giggles and kisses?
- Don’t forget to bring that empty bottle of water for the glacier hike. One you go glacier water, it’s hard to go back. Make sure you’re in shape, otherwise skip the 6 hour hike.
- Don’t tip the cab drivers, check all of your change. Tip in restaurants at 10% if it’s not included. And make sure you ask for the check, it’s Euro style, relaxed dining.
- If you want to bring back wine, check in 2 bags (assuming you are buying wine from the airport and you have a connection somewhere in the US. If you don’t buy wine from the airport, put it in your checked bag.) Make sure that one of your bags has space for the wine, then put the wine in that bag when you arrive at your connection. You will do this at customs. Also, they do not sell San Juan wine at the airport – I recommend buying some before you get there.
- If you like spicy food, bring your own masala ;)
- Talk to the locals, they know the best restaurants and places to go. Don’t be shy.
- I plan to go back someday to go wine tasting in Mendoza, see the waterfalls in Bariloche, maybe hike another glacier, and take a day trip to Uruguay (from Buenos Aires).
- When booking flights with the regional airline, your baggage rules apply from your original trip. So no need to really pack light. Also, don't book trips too close together - the airline makes a lot of mistakes and has random delays. It sucks, but allow yourself 1 day for the travel and start your touring the next day.
- For more specific questions and names of restaurants, etc, contact me directly. I could write about this trip for hours...